Dear Dad (Nov. 22, 2019)
Dear Dad,
I’ve been trying to be more mindful this month about things I’m grateful for. I don’t know what I read or where I got the inspiration to do this, but since it’s November…it seems appropriate – Thanksgiving and all. And today, during this month of being grateful, we arrive at November 22, the 3-year anniversary of your death. 3 years later…and typing that phrase “anniversary of your death” still does not feel real. I wonder if it ever will…
Anyway, I’m sitting on a long flight from Europe back to Seattle – lately seems to be the best time for me to write openly and creatively – and I want to thank you for a few things.
For starters, thank you for being an amazing Dad. You so perfectly managed to balance the many roles of Dad – you were a teacher, a cheerleader, a first aid tech, and a disciplinarian. But underneath it ALL, you loved me…unconditionally. I know that now, so purely, even if there were times I may have questioned it when you were alive (another phrase I don’t think I’ll ever get used to writing). As a Dad myself, I truly appreciate the delicate ballet you had to perfect to balance those roles just right. You did…and for that, I am forever grateful.
Next, not everyone gets to experience having their Dad as a boss at some time in their lives. I was one of the lucky ones. It started as I worked many summers for you through high school and college – those, while fun and foundational, aren’t the ones I’m talking about. Those summers I worked for your company, sure, but not directly for you. But then I graduated from Engineering School. And on that first Monday after I graduated (you insisted that I start immediately…there was just too much work to do), I distinctly remember the excitement and pride I felt as I was heading into the office for my first day of work. I ended up working for you for around 8 years; I’m not going to sugar coat this…you and I probably weren’t the best father/son work team the world has seen. Not even close. We didn’t get along…we had very different styles…and frankly I think we both knew how to push the other’s buttons. Sure, there were fantastic times, but overall, on balance, it was a real challenge. (Fun fact: it’s still the longest job I’ve ever held.) But enough recap, as my first real boss, I am forever grateful for what you taught me about how to act in business and the workplace. By your actions, you taught me about respect and professionalism and treating people with kindness and dignity. As a punk 20-year old whose Daddy owned the company, I’m sure you had concerns that I’d never learn any of this…but I have and it’s all because of you. One more thing – understanding. I never thanked you for having the strength and humility to be the mensch you were after I left the business. That wasn’t easy for either of us; and, looking back, it really could have torn us apart forever. There was so much pain and emotion wrapped up in that period of time, but you swallowed what must have been a huge pride pill and after just a few tense and difficult months, we worked on rebuilding our relationship…together. That was almost 20 years ago, but I’m just now realizing how difficult that must have been for you…literally, as I’m typing this. I guess there might still be a little bit of that punk, entitled 20-year old still in me.
And last, but definitely not least, thank you for being my friend. This is the part that is hardest to let go of. This is what I miss the most every day…and especially today. We were friends…period. We had so many fun adventures together – river rafting, hot air ballooning, concerts, even some mischief – free parking at Disneyland and one-time even managing free admission, a bit of reckless driving in both Hawaii and Orlando, and that one time we unintentionally figured out just how empty a U-haul truck’s gas tank can get while driving from Sacramento to Los Angeles. There are many more and every now and then a random memory will just appear in my head; and I smile. But more than sharing amazing experiences, you taught me to see and hear the beauty in the world. Symphonies, operas, concertos…museums, galleries, and even spending time with some amazing artistic souls, you made sure that the artistic and creative side of me was just as nourished as the engineer in me. You were a true Renaissance man…I strive to be at least one with a lower case “r”.
In just a few days I’ll be continuing a tradition that you and I did every year – stuffing the turkey. I always loved stuffing the turkey with you…especially once I was a Dad and we made it a three-generation tradition. And while you won’t be physically beside me making sure I stuff the turkey enough and expressing your concern that I cook the turkey differently than you did, you will be right next to me in spirit. And I’ll hear your voice helping, guiding, teaching a young, toddler age Michael how to properly stuff a turkey. Thank you. I love you and miss you.
Your son,
Michael
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