Dad-isms

Me and my dad - 1985

Tomorrow will be my 17th Father’s Day; it will also be my 5th Father’s Day without my dad.

So, as I try to figure out where all that time went, I’m struck by a number of, what I call, “Dad-isms”. These are sayings that my dad used to say. All. The. Time. I’m sure they started out as interesting and relevant. Quickly, however, they got to the point of predictable and then, just as quickly, annoying. And now, they are lore – they have taken on an almost sacred existence – poignant and insightful thoughts I fondly remember and occasionally pass on to my kids, friends, and co-workers. I always remember to give my dad the credit, though.

And so, today, the day before Father’s Day 2021, I thought I’d share a few of them with you.

“You know how the fish gets caught? He opens his mouth.”

This was a something my dad would say any time someone said too much. Too many excuses that would raise suspicion, or too many opinions so you’d end up with the responsibility, or being a bit too honest and hurting someone’s feelings. The lesson being that some things are best kept to ourselves; not everything that comes into our mind needs to be said out loud.

“Courtesy never takes away from bravery.”

To be precise, my dad used to cite this one in Spanish: “Lo cortés no quita lo valiente.” The words “thank you” or “I’m sorry” or “I appreciate you” or “please” don’t make us weak. On the contrary, they make us strong, accountable, and a mensch (or womensch?) These days, I feel like our world could benefit from a little more of this.

“Consult with your pillow.”

This was my dad’s version of “sleep on it”. It has the exact same meaning, but I kind of like the novelty of his way of saying it. I also appreciate (now) the active nature of “consulting” rather than the passive nature of “sleeping”.

“Go see if it’s raining.”

This was the way my dad would ask us to leave the room when he wanted to have a private conversation. I try using it with my kids, but since we live in Seattle, it isn’t nearly as creative as when my dad used it in Southern California.

“You’ll live.” And, “it will be gone by the time you’re married.”

These were both used (often one right after the other) anytime I got injured. He was right 100% of the time with the first one (I’m still here). And I appreciate the duality of the message it contained – 1) “don’t worry, son, you’ll be ok” and 2) “get over yourself”. As for the second saying, I remember telling him just before my wedding day, “I guess you can’t say that to me anymore.”

“The definition of a diplomat is being able to tell someone to go to hell…and have them go smiling.”

I LOVE this one. We all have to say no or disagree with people from time to time. The beauty in this saying, though, is that these rejections can be asserted yet still preserve the dignity of everyone involved. Doing this is an art and, frankly, one that I think many of us could benefit from practicing at times.

“Break a lip.” “Break a pencil.” Break [insert whatever item was going to be primarily used that he wanted to wish you luck on]”

Riffing off the traditional “break a leg”, my dad used to say “Break a lip” before any big speech or presentation I’d have to give. And he’d say “Break a pencil” before any important exam. Kind of a fun and novel way to wish someone luck. Although, I shudder now to think of what he would say to someone who was trying to get pregnant! 😳

And with that, I’d like to wish all the dads out there a VERY Happy Father’s Day. And to those of us who don’t have our dads anymore, I hope you find a few minutes on Father’s Day to remember your dad. And if anyone has any other Dad-isms you’d like to share, the comments below are open!